Harry Potter, The Logical Edition
by jedimaster080
Summary: I decided it might be fun to go over the same basic story as the original series, but try and "fix" some of the logical inconsistencies and make a story that makes a little more sense, at least to me. Also, knowing me, I'd get bored if it didn't also have undue focus and plenty of additions to suit my tastes, so expect of politics, gender-bending and Parseltongue. metamorph!Harry
1. The Boy Who Lived

Chapter 1: The Boy who Lived

Albus Dumbledore silently strode onto Little Whinging, a thoroughly ordinary street in Surrey. As he strode toward number four, he clicked the switch on his deluminator, snuffing out the nearby streetlamps. The cover of darkness would be needed before the night was out if Hagrid was bringing the boy. Dumbledore sighed as he reached his destination and a very familiar cat strode up to him.

"Good evening, Minerva, pleasant weather is it not?" Dumbledore asked the cat which returned as quizzical an expression a cat can give before transforming into middle-aged woman in a pointed hat and patterned robe. Dumbledore merely smiled in response to her terse, near-permanent frown.

"Are you sure this is the right place for him, Albus? These muggles are positively dreadful people, spoil that baby of their's rotten, they do. And I overheard them say the most awful things about James and Lily. I had always wondered why Lily's sister never showed up to her wedding." Minerva McGonagall stated firmly, still not sure of her leader's plan.

"The boy should be with his family, Minerva, and this is all the family he has." Dumbledore replied simply, his powder blue eyes twinkling despite the lack of light.

"But, surely he'll receive better care from a member of the order. What about his godfather. He's the heir to a noble and ancient house, he'll need proper training in such matters. Surely Sirius can give that to him." Minerva pressed.

"I doubt Sirius will be free much longer, Minerva. He was the Potter's secret keeper. I'm sure you are aware of what that means." Dumbledore's statement hung tensely in the air while McGonagall frowned in silence.

"I refuse to believe he would betray them. I knew that boy all seven years of school and his hatred the pure-blood agenda was second only to his loyalty to Lily and James. Once he stands trial, we will know the truth of it." McGonagall managed to deepen her frown as she spoke "but honestly, there's not a single family that wouldn't adopt the boy. If, somehow, Sirius is guilty, why not at least put him up for adoption?"

"That is precisely why not, would it not be better for him, not only to know the love of family, but at the very least to not have to deal with the pressures of his fame, at least until he's old enough for Hogwarts." Dumbledore responded, silently waving his wand to check the time. "Rubeus should arrive shortly."

McGonagall opened her mouth for a moment as if she still wished to press the issue, but decided it was best not to question the leader of the Order any longer. She merely nodded tersely. Shortly after, a great raucous rang throughout the tiny suburb and Dumbledore decided it prudent to casually silence Hagrid and his flying motorcycle as soon as they came into view.

When the motorcycle landed and rolled up to Dumbledore and McGonagall. The massive half-giant stepped off of it and walked up to them, carrying small bundle gently along with him.

"Sorry 'bout the racket. I found 'im wailing an' carryin' on, jus' like yeh said 'eadmaster," Hagrid said as he handed Dumbledore the baby in his arms. "The sweet lad cried 'isself righ' ter sleep 'bout 'alfway along, he did."

"Thank you Rubeus, I would have gone myself, or sent a member of the Order who can apparate, but there are so few of us left, and everyone happened to be busy until quite recently." Dumbledore dipped his head in a slight bow a slight bow. Then he walked up to the front door of number four Privet Drive, the home of the Dursleys. He knocked on the door.

It took a long while before anyone answered, and he distinctly heard Vernon Dursley bellow: "Who in the world has the bloody lack of sense to come calling at this ungodly hour? I was just about ready to get to bed!" It was the familiar face of Petunia Dursley that opened the door. Though she was much older than when Dumbledore had last seen her, he still recognized her scowling face and many other features that resembled her mother.

"What are _you _doing here? We don't want your kind around our little Dudley!" Petunia whispered angrily. Dumbeldore smiled sadly. _She might be over her hatred if not for that ridiculous husband of hers._

"I'm sorry to disturb you so late, Petunia, but this matter really could not wait. Your sister and her husband have been murdered." Dumbledore saw, for a moment, horror and grief cross Petunia's face. Then she sneered in even greater anger.

"I will mourn my sister, as I mourned our parents, who were also killed by _your kind. _Thank you for informing me, now if you'll excuse me…" Dumbledore jammed his foot in the door as Petunia began to close it.

"They all died doing what was right. Now, Petunia, you must do what is right." Dumbledore forced the baby into her arms. Petunia looked the child over, immediately recognizing the same ridiculous, messy, black hair on it as on her sister's husband. She frowned in disgust, ready to return the child to its world, ready to forget about magic and all it had taken from her. Then the child opened its eyes.

The two bright orbs, the same unnatural green as her sister's, stared at her, then he smiled and laughed, as if he had forgotten the tragedy of that very night, and there was nothing Petunia could do, she simply could not turn the child out.

"What's his name?" Petunia asked, still staring at the innocent baby. Dumbledore smiled again. _If only for that look of love, I know this is the place he must be._

"His name is Harry." Dumbledore also handed her a letter he had drafted with all the relevant information. "Remember what is written here, for one day I may be forced to call you on its contents Petunia."

Then Dumbledore strode briskly out of Dursleys' home. Once he stepped off the property, he felt the emergency wards Lily had made for them in secret activate and charge with a new power Dumbledore did not quite recognize, he decided he would investigate them a later time.

McGonagall and Hagrid had already left and Dumbledore sighed, knowing the terrible road that lay ahead for the whole wizarding world, but especially for Harry. With a click Dumbledore released the light from his deluminator back to the streetlamps before silently disapparating.


	2. Family Love

**Disclaimer: I really think these are unnecessary, technically fanfiction should be safe and covered under fair use and/or parody laws, and I'm not even attempting to make money, but everyone does it, so I will too, whatever. Ahem, I do not hold any claim to intellectual ownership over any part of the Universe, Canon, or Characters of the Harry Potter Franchise which are the intellectual property of J. K. Rowling.**

**Chapter 2: Family Love**

Harry wiped sweat from his brow. Working the garden on a hot summer day was exhausting work, but he did enjoy the garden, it got him out of the house and away from his uncle Vernon and cousin Dudley, and sometimes his aunt Petunia would come out to help and they would have a nice conversation.

Not today though, Petunia never came out when the sun was this hot, she fretted over her "alabaster complexion" and avoided sunburns like the plague. Furthermore, today was Dudley's birthday, which meant she had to show her affection for her Dudders and only her Dudders, he _was _her son, after all.

Harry always like Dudley's birthday, it was one of the few days of the year that Vernon completely ignored him. This year especially, they were spending the whole day at the zoo and leaving Harry to the blissful calm of Miss Figg down the street. She might not be very interesting and her house smelled terribly of cat litter, but she at least was very kind to him.

After the weeds were dug up and the roses pruned, harry smiled happily at his work, just as Petunia came out to fetch him.

"Miss Figg is here, Harry, clean yourself up a bit," she stated forcefully. Harry smiled and swept dust off his clothes before entering the house, walking through the kitchen to the living room, where Vernon was blustering angrily, already going slightly purple.

"What do you mean you can't take him? Why couldn't you have mentioned this earlier, woman? How are we supposed to find some to watch the boy now?" Vernon shouted at a quailing Miss Figg.

"I am truly sorry, you know I would love to take him, but I honestly have urgent business to attend. My sister, you see, she's—" Miss Figg began, only to be interrupted by the massive whale of a man that was Vernon Dursley.

"I don't care about your ruddy sister! Just go, we'll figure something out, thanks for nothing!" Vernon slammed the door in her face still grumbling to himself, "stupid useless spinster, why does she even live around here…" Vernon was livid, pacing and spluttering madly.

"Petunia! Is there anyone we can call? What about the Johnsons?" Vernon asked. Petunia shook her head.

"They're still on vacation in the Galapagos, and everyone else is going to that Community meeting, except the Polkisses, but they wouldn't take him." Petunia frowned and pursed her lips in a thin disapproving grimace. She really did not like Patty Polkiss.

Vernon sighed in defeat. "I guess we'll just have to bring him along to the zoo, we can't just leave him alone here, who knows what he could get up to?" Vernon grumbled. Dudley threatened to whine, but was silenced by a stern look from his father and a hug from his mother.

"It's alright Diddykins, we'll get you another extra present, alright dear?" Petunia crooned, which made Dudley happy. Vernon turned to Harry, with a measuring accusatory eye.

"There'll be none of your strangeness at the zoo today, understand? Nobody wants you around today, so just stay quiet and try not to bother us. And again, no strangeness." Vernon spat out the words with as much reluctance as if he were giving Harry praise, which is something he had never done. Harry merely stared at his feet, trying his best to feel nothing. He nodded.

Once Piers Polkiss arrived, the entire group, pressed into Vernon's tiny blue car. Dudley and Piers happily crushed Harry between the two of them with barely enough room to breathe and were pleased to "accidentally" shove, elbow, and punch him whenever the car turned. Petunia frowned the whole car ride to the zoo.

Once there, Harry was happy to find he could breathe again. When no one was looking, Petunia gave Harry a sad look and an affectionate pat on the back. She scowled at the Polkiss boy who was turning her baby into even more of a bully by the day. Piers did not seem to notice and just kept snickering along with Dudley over some unknown joke.

As they walked around, Harry subtly kept his distance from everyone in the group except Petunia. When they ate lunch at a small court, Vernon did not buy any food for Harry, but when Petunia dropped her carton of chips on the ground she picked it up, looking disgusted and handed them to him, with a smile and a wink that only he could see.

Towards the end of the trip, Dudley dragged the group to the reptile house for some reason, which he thought (probably because he knew nothing about reptiles) would be exciting. Inside, he flitted from exhibit to exhibit, disappointed as each lizard or snake ignored him and continued doing little to nothing.

After attempting to wake a sleeping python and failing, even after Vernon had banged on the glass himself, Dudley bounced off to another exhibit.

"Sorry about him, he likes to wake me when I'm sleeping too, he's kind of an idiot." Harry said to the snake, which immediately raised its head to look at him. Harry was surprised, looking around to make sure Vernon could not see him talking to a snake, which would probably count as "strangeness."

"Can you understand me?" Harry asked, leaning a little closer to the glass.

A soft hissing voice replied. "Yesss, ssspeaker."

Harry almost jumped back. "er… my name's Harry, I didn't want to come to the zoo, but I am glad I met you." The snake made sharp short hisses that Harry interpreted as laughter.

"None of usss wantsss to be here, but it isss where we are." The snake replied. Harry smiled, seeing the parallels between his and the snake's positions.

"You're from Burma, right? Was it nice there?" Harry asked. The snake laughed again, pointing its head down toward a plaque that read "raised in captivity." Harry felt those words described his own childhood as well.

Harry was about to speak again when Dudley rushed back to the Python, shoving Harry away and to the ground. "Mum, Dad, Piers, you've got to see this! You won't believe what this snake is doing!" Dudley shouted.

Looking up at his cousin he could not hold back the emotions flooding through him. He felt rage, and at that very moment Harry wished very much that Dudley could feel even for a minute like he did every day, like a captive.

Suddenly the glass of the python's enclosure vanished and Dudley, who had been pressed up against it, fell in. The snake only slithered up to Dudley, it's head inches from the fat boy's face, and hissed in indignant rage, promising to squeeze every ounce of life out of the boy, should they ever meet again, then uncoiling itself, the snake left the enclosure. Dudley wet himself in fear.

"Thanksss," was all the snake said as it slithered out of the reptile house to freedom. Harry smiled happily as it left, singing in its hissing voice about Rio de Janero. A girlish scream and pounding on glass made Harry turn around.

The glass surrounding the enclosure had reappeared, trapping Dudley inside. The fat boy was crying like a baby as kept rapping on the glass. A crowd had gathered, some were calling for help, others were silently observing, most were laughing at poor Dudley's predicament. Petunia was shrieking for help, looking like she might faint as she tried to hug Dudley through the glass. Vernon was staring at Harry with a sadistic smile on his face.

On the way home, everyone was silent, even Piers Polkiss. When they reached home, Piers waved and jogged down Privet drive to his own home. It was not until Vernon had closed and bolted the door that the storm finally broke.

"You bloody freak! Thought it was funny, did you? Thought you'd make a fool of my son, MY BLOOD! You are grounded for the rest of the summer, you are not to leave the cupboard for any reason, except to do chores and use the bathroom. The cupboard will be locked at night, and if I hear one peep out of you, I swear, you'll regret it. And Harry did regret it when he could not quite stifle a sob and Vernon socked him violently in the eye, knocking him to the floor and leaving an ugly bruise behind.

"Vernon! He's just a boy," was all Petunia said. Vernon merely grunted contentedly, seeing Harry's glasses had snapped again and his nose was bleeding. Harry looked down, keeping as silent as the grave.

"Now, go to the cupboard, you'll not be having supper tonight either." Vernon shouted. Dudley had a satisfied smirk on his face. Petunia looked concerned but didn't say or do anything more. And then Harry was inside the cupboard, it was in the hollow under the stairs and had just enough room for Harry if he tucked in his legs and hung his head. Vernon slammed and locked it behind him.

Late that night, Harry attempted to sleep, sobbing quietly. He was hungry, in pain, and had the uncomfortable corner of a wooden beam jammed into his back. If he were older he might complain it wasn't fair or wish to run away or kill himself, but at eleven he still considered number 4 Privet Drive his home. He was the one who was wrong, unnatural. He tried to stop the tears from flowing. Why couldn't he just be normal?

Harry tore out large patches of his hair, knowing it would grow back the same as always by the morning, wishing it wouldn't. He banged his forehead into a beam, wishing his ugly scar would go away, knowing it wouldn't. Harry wanted to scream, to make everything about himself change, to make everything about himself normal.

Harry felt a strange sensation well up deep inside then spread out over his entire body, felt his hair grow, saw it turn blonde as his bangs grew over his eyes. Focusing on how he looked before, he felt his body change back. _If I suddenly look completely normal, that'll be even worse. _Harry thought.

Late into the night, when Harry was sure everyone was asleep, he heard someone tiptoe down the stairs and sit down beside the door to the cupboard. There was a long beat of silence before Petunia's voice began to sing a soft sweet lullaby that Harry had never heard before, yet still felt familiar. Tears streamed from his eyes as Petunia quietly sang and brought Harry to fitful sleep.


End file.
